Divorce can be one of the most stressful and complicated processes you’ll ever have to face. It can be overwhelming to know what to do, or perhaps more importantly, what not to do. Even if you have the best divorce attorney in Denver, your divorce can go off the rails quickly if you aren’t careful about your words or actions during the process.
Unfortunately, divorce rates in the United States are still high, despite the fact that the divorce rate across the country has been trending downward during the past 10 years, according to the U.S. News & World Report.
With so many Americans in the middle of the divorce process, it’s critical, for the sake of the many kids involved nationwide, to try for an amicable divorce where both parties leave with a mutual understanding of the separation.
While this is ideal, it’s not always the case. Ugly divorces happen all the time. With that said, here are four things not to do during your divorce process.
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1. Don’t Take Charge of the Situation
It doesn’t matter if you’re in a common law partnership, married, or separated. It’s always best to refrain from taking matters into your own hands when it comes to divorce. Listen to your lawyers and always go with the agreed-upon strategy or the agreement you came to with your partner.
There’s no point in hiring a premier lawyer or common law attorney if you aren’t going to let him or her do their job correctly. That’s why they’re the lawyer and you’re the divorcee.
Going out on your own to try and be a hero or problem-solver will only disrupt the process and cause unnecessary strain on the family unit, especially if children are involved. Be sure to avoid all actions or interactions that pose a risk, such as unwelcome visits or mean-spirited phone calls.
2. Obey Court Rulings
This may seem obvious, but when the court has made a ruling on your divorce, obey it. If you don’t, you’re sure to face penalties, be held accountable in the eyes of the law, and likely provide unwanted or unneeded attention to your family or former partner. Disobeying the court could result in fines or jail time, depending on the offense.
This means if you have a child support payment, pay it. If you can’t take your children across state lines, then simply don’t.
3. Don’t Try To ‘Win’ The Divorce With Your Kids
This is only going to sway your children’s opinion of their other parent, which is both unfair and wrong. The child is already the loser in the divorce; don’t cause unnecessary strain on your family by trying to get a leg up on your previous partner.
Showing animosity towards your previous spouse, especially in front of the children, is counterproductive to an amicable separation and causes unnecessary problems. Don’t complain about child support payments or the other parents’ parenting style.
4. Don’t Take Unnecessary Advantage of the Situation
For example, don’t use child support payments to buy a new fur coat, or rub it into your previous partner or child that you’re benefiting from the divorce. Work together as adults to strive for the easiest separation possible so you can both move on with your lives.
In general, when handling an already painful and complicated divorce (or even an easily-founded one), it’s best to:
- Be mature adults
- Listen and adhere to court rulings
- Amicably negotiate payments and custody schedules
- Don’t vent to the children
- Avoid making the process stressful on yourselves and your children
- Use common sense
You’ll find it much easier to move on with your life if you handle the divorce process with class and maturity. As a golden rule, never involve the kids unnecessarily, and remember that you and your partner both cared for and loved each other in the past.